What We Turn Back into the Soil

It’s Hallows season–Samhain, Halloween, what have you–and my mind turns to mortality, decomposition, recomposition and the great wide Circle of Life.

I’ve written a bit about death. Here, about the fact of mortality. Here, about how we can prepare for our deaths in a manner that is kind to our survivors (downloadable workbook included!) And here, finally, as I have grappled with the dark marvel, the creative force that death actually is.

Today, I have just returned from a weekend of camping with members of the Northern California Atheopagan Affinity Group, which calls itself the Live Oak Circle. We had a lovely time.

One of the things we like to do is to play getting-to-know-you-better games like We’re Not Really Strangers and Truth or Dare, so our conversations can find themselves in very deep places. I don’t remember exactly how we came around to it, but I was suddenly struck by the “inverse harvest” of this season, and asked, “what is it that didn’t work out, which you are now turning into the ground and composting so that something new can grow?”

I think there is something in this. Hallows is the final of the three harvest Sabbaths: the harvest of flesh. It is the time when herds were culled so there was enough food to feed the survivors over the winter, when meat was preserved to last into the dark days, and when, these bloody rites accomplished, we reflect on death and those who have died: our ancestors and those who are no longer with us.

Yet Hallows is also, beyond a reaping, a giving back: it is when, the cycle over, we release what we have held and will no longer serve. We mourn, we remember, and we let the remnants–even, one day, of our very own bodies–go back into the great cycling of materials that is our Universe.

Soon to be something new, emergent, a sudden wonder risen from the dust of the past.

It is a solemn time and often a sad one, but there is a powerful mystery in it. As I consider these themes each year I grow more and more accepting of my own inevitable death, and the great majesty of Life’s turning wheel.

Posted in Holidays, Death, Personal Reflection | Leave a comment

Revisiting the Sin-Eater for Hallows

I am fascinated by the tradition of the sin-eater.

Found in several European cultures but primarily known from southern Wales and parts of England adjacent, the tradition is that after someone dies, their body is laid out with food atop its chest or on a sideboard next to it, with a small coin in a dish. A designated person, the sin-eater (who is poor and generally shunned by the local community) is called to enter, and comes to eat the food and take the money, “eating the sins” of the deceased person and leaving them purified to go to heaven.

There is something so Gothic, so folk-horror, so primal and creepy about all this that I am, of course, completely drawn to it.

Now that October has rolled around, I find myself thinking how I can adapt the concept into a Hallows ritual. So this post is a bit of a stream-of-consciousness walk-through of my working the idea into a ritual design.

Of course, I don’t believe in “sin”. Certainly not in “original sin”, but I also don’t believe we are subject to an “accounting of bad deeds” other than how we hold ourselves accountable or are held accountable by those around us. The Christian Overculture’s ideas about judgment and punishment are destructive, confining concepts, and when combined with a supposed power on the part of a priest class to “absolve” these sins, they comprise a formula for authoritarian and theocratic domination.

I don’t believe people carry “sin”, and thus there is nothing for a sin-eater to “eat”.

But I love the idea of the ritual itself, the idea of “absorbing” or gaining something from the departed in this solemn, intentional way through eating: taking into yourself a quality or qualities.

This might be best done with…a straw dummy? A stuffed pillowcase? A cloth laid out to represent the body? Should the food be atop the body or on a sideboard next to it? Details, details.

I think this ritual reminds me in some ways of the traditional ritual concept of a silent supper*: a meal in which a place is set for the dead and they are served the very best morsels of the dishes circulated, while the living eat in silence, contemplating the departed. The plate is then set outside for wildlife to eat (often interpreted as the dead themselves, or the fae).

So perhaps to begin with, the “body” may be laid in its “bed” while speaking the names of the Beloved Dead of the past year. Then, in silence, dishes containing the food items are laid out on and/or beside the body. Foods could be individual pieces like Jordan almonds or other candies, miniature cupcakes or muffins, etc. Sweet and savory should both be represented, and everything should be delicious. Participants then leave the room.

The sin-eater usually worked alone, since the community shunned them. This can be adapted so that each participant goes into the room with the body individually, contemplates the departed in silence for as long as they need to, selects a food item or two, and leaves for the next person to come in.

When each participant has had their solo trip into the deathbed room, all then re-enter the room to gather around the body, and the meanings/gifts of the foods are revealed, rather like a divination activity. These can be on a scroll sealed with wax or tied with a ribbon, which is opened and read out loud.

And what gifts would they represent? Wisdom, kindness, perspective, abundance, and joy come to mind: qualities we can draw from another without diminishing them. Use your imagination!

After the revelation of what the foods mean, participants eat their selected foods–or even trade them, if there is something they really need but didn’t select. Gratitude is spoken for these gifts and the others we enjoy. A blessing is spoken for the memory of the Beloved Dead. The ritual ends, followed by a feast in honor of the departed.

I think this could be an interesting and moving Hallows ritual. I hope to try it someday.


*Traditionally “dumb”–meaning mute–supper, but that term is now considered offensive, so I prefer “silent”.

Posted in Descriptions, Holidays, Ritual | Leave a comment

A Grateful Harvest

So it’s Harvestide, the season of the autumnal equinox. The time of gathering in, looking back over the year, celebrating what has come.

It’s been a remarkable year for me, after a couple of very, very lean ones. This year, I took over as Interim Executive Director at my job at the new year; my third book, Round We Dance: Creating Meaning through Seasonal Rituals was released in April.

In June I was tapped for the permanent ED position, so now I lead a dynamic, effective conservation organization working to protect natural areas and advance through partnerships the traditional land stewardship practices of indigenous Tribes.

It’s an absolute dream job for me.

Over August 30 through September 2, I had the deep pleasure of spending a long weekend in company with members of this remarkable community at a beautiful forest retreat center in Colorado. Suntree Retreat 2024 was everything I could have hoped for. Every two years is too long!

And there have been gatherings with friends, delicious meals, beautiful sunsets, sunrises and moonrises, skies alive with clouds and stars, trees dancing in wind. All the good things.

I look back at this year, and I feel incredibly grateful. Not that I didn’t do a lot of work to make these things happen—I most certainly did!—but they worked out. They happened, and there were many other possible outcomes.

So: gratitude.

I include gratitude in nearly every ritual I do. I find that appreciation for all the many good things in life is a way to keep my eyes open for more such pleasures.

And this is the season to really bring it forward. The great Harvest of all we enjoy, all we benefit from, all that gives us pleasure. All that creates happiness.

The dark time is coming. Soon, the season of grief and recognition of the awe-ful truth of mortality.

But now? Now we eat, and drink, and dance.

Happy Harvest, everyone.

Posted in Principles, Holidays | 2 Comments

Love Letter from the Foot of the Mountain

It had been two years, three months and and sixteen days.

In that time, I had seen not a one of the amazing people I met at Suntree Retreat 2022 in person. Zoom calls with a few, social media exchanges.

And now I am come back from the 2024 Retreat. I am brimming over, having seen some of them again and met newcomers to my world.

We laughed a lot. We sang. We shared rituals of grief and joy, celebrated transitions, and spoke unguardedly of the important things in our lives. We told stories and shared lore.

The love was palpable. Strange and wonderful, the unique and beautiful people of this community.

It’s hard, going back to the world of strangers.

And I am fortunate, for there is much love in my life.

But having seen, having belonged, having not been alone, surrounded by lovely strange people and welcomed as a lovely strange man in such a profound way, I carry the memories.

I am changed for it, changed for the better.

I saw people soften. I saw joy. And sorrow. And change.

I saw how we can be with one another if we dare, if we risk, if we consider. If we care.

The precious faces dance before me and I know the world is less cold now for me.

There are so many more people in my heart, or more deeply there.

I am so grateful to everyone who helped to make these moments.

If I am lucky, I will have more with you.

Thank you for your beautiful selves.

Posted in Practice, Atheopagan, Rites of Passage, Ritual, Events, Community | 2 Comments

Off to SUNTREE RETREAT!

It’s early morning, with the Sun just beginning to rise. My bags are packed, and I’m off to the airport soon to go to SUNTREE RETREAT 2024!

I try to minimize my flying, but I don’t have the available time at work to drive this year, so here we are. I bought carbon credits to offset my travel, but that’s not much mitigation in my opinion.

In any event, I’m off to Colorado to spend four days with fellow Atheopagans, sharing rituals and comradery, celebration and meaningful times. The last one was just amazing and I have high expectations for this one. I was just knocked out last time by what great people there are in this community.

So off I go–please join us on Saturday for a live recording of THE WONDER podcast at 12:00 Mountain Time (11 AM Pacific); the Zoom link is the usual Saturday Mixer link posted in the Facebook and Discord communities.

See you on the flipside!

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The Wonder

The Perseids are strong tonight.

I mean, it’s early: 9 pm. The Sun is only just down, but it’s a clear night with a quarter Moon and after midnight, there should be a vivid meteor shower, perhaps as many as one every minute or even less.

The night air is warm and still. There are crickets, but they are dwindling as the season progresses. By October, there will be only a faint, lonely, slow chirp.

I gathered with friends yesterday: the Northern California Atheopagan affinity group, AKA the Live Oak Circle. We had a Dimming celebration, drank cider and ate apple pie, poured a libation at the roots of a fruit-laden apple tree. We named our individual early harvests, as well as remembering all the accumulated harvest we enjoy as humans: the art, the culture, the science, the technology, the accumulated history. Sang. Enjoyed a fire.

For me, this early harvest has been pretty amazing. Landed the permanent executive director job at work, published my third book. Helped to organize the upcoming Suntree Retreat, which I am so looking forward to, and which I hope will round out a beautiful Harvest season in September.

We will have many hot days yet, but tonight feels like autumn, with the still, warm air, the anticipatory sense of darkness coming on. Soon, it will be piles of vegetables and grapes…not long after, pumpkins and bones.

How quickly time goes.

One of the ways I think of the wheel of the year is as a description of the stations of a human life, beginning with birth at the winter solstice. By my reckoning, that makes Dimming the Sabbath of middle age: a time to celebrate people at the height of their power and skill, to recognize the beauty of middle-aged people in the community. That’s my station right now, just a few years shy of crossing over into elderhood.

Again, by my reckoning.

I feel such a richness in my life right now. So many beautiful people, meaningful and creative work, communities close and far. And beyond that, always: the Wonder.

Those stars. That Moon. Those burning, blazing meteors, falling from a comet’s debris to Earth.

That sky, going out to always and forever.

Posted in Nature and Science, Holidays | Tagged | Leave a comment