Closing the Door with Gratitude
2018 was rough for me.
I was unemployed the whole time, begging and borrowing to stay under a roof. It was necessary, but it filled me with shame and embarrassment.
I had a series of near-misses with job seeking, finishing second repeatedly. In one case, it seemed I was the top candidate, and then the employer decided against filling the position at all.
In July, I was sitting at a stop light when a reckless driver veered around the corner and totaled my car. Two weeks later, I fell, broke and dislocated my left arm. It required surgery—and pins and screws and a metal plate— to repair.
Unable to type, I couldn’t look for work again until September.
And I’m still looking. I have a couple of hot prospects right now, with an interview on the 16th of January, so cross your fingers for me.
But I’m still under a roof. People have been generous with gifts and loans. My arm was repaired, and I am typing again. I have friends and a lovely online community.
And despite all that has happened, I have managed my major depressive disorder over this year so that I have not been bedridden, have not been hospitalized, have not self-harmed. Hard as it has been sometimes, I have placed one foot before the other and kept moving.
So this is an expression of gratitude. 2018, awful as it was personally, politically and globally, gave me enough to survive. My community and friends came through and expressed their love for me.
Particularly, I would like to thank the Atheopaganism Patrons, who provide much-needed support and keep me working on resources, theory and events for our community.
Goodbye, 2018. I have to believe that 2019 will be better, even as it’s clear that it will be a crazy ride in the political sphere.
I thank you all for your part in helping me to ride out the past year. May we all prosper and thrive in the next.
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Dear Mr. Green,
I truly feel for your problems, as having been there at a time in my life. Is there some positive feed back that can help you overcome all this? Depending; and saying that is easier than doing. Remaining in a positive mental state is hard work and yet without it we would never survive. Learning where our weaknesses are and our strengths lie during this stretch is perhaps a boon rather than the other. Realizing we are physical beings rather than being something that isn’t; also is a boon. I know you have heard it all before and read it all before; still it is worth repeating. Life is a lesson in itself and sometimes we need the downs to get us up and running again. So, I really feel and believe the New Year will also be your beginning to something greater. I can look back and say that now, having reached 73 years and realize where I might have been. Stay positive and know you have so many who are there to hear you and be with you. ( both physically or mentally)
Just for the record, Mark: I never experienced you “begging”. You made your needs known, and your friends are responding, as they can. I understand, in our culture being in need and receiving help can feel shameful, but there is no shame in accepting help, freely given.
It is often said that we are all just one bad decision away from penury- and sometimes the decision can be just getting out of bed in the morning. Personally, I have a selfish reason for helping whomever I’m able to help: someday, the odds are going to come around to me, and I’m going to be the one needing help- it’s that “Karma” thing, or maybe a mitzvah. Whatever. For damned sure, what goes around comes around.
Thank you for your writing, which has helped me over the last few months. I hope you get that job and wish you the very best for 2019.